Just another crush?

Well here I am again,I had the urge to blog cause I have so much on my mind and so much emotion right now and well I got no one to talk to about it.. Well I do but she is oceans away from me and she's probably sleeping now or in Uni.. Sigh...

Well where to start?? [as usual]

OK well I've decided to cut all ties with Azly,I've even told him so.. The other week I called him for the first time in 4 months.. It felt so weird yet normal.. Like nothing had changed you know?? Then reality hit me and I remembered we are no longer together and things have changed.. I felt like crying on the phone but I never I kept it in till I got home and got into bed... Then the water works started... I told my sister about it and she told me that I can't keep hurting myself and love someone that seems like he doesn't feel the same way.. She also was the one who told me to cut all ties with him.. She told me to send him one last message asking him if he has any intentions of being with me if not to stop breezing in and out of my life cause it really hurts [which is true!!] so thats what I did... And surprise,surprise [not] he didn't reply!! Haish... He's still the same when it comes to talking about serious stuff... Walks away and ignores my feelings making me feel even more pathetic and useless... Like I'm worth nothing but shit..

Anyways after all that I kinda got closer to a guy at work,Azam. Haha his name reminds me of "Adam" =P.. He is so funni.. And well he knows about how I'm in love with someone who doesn't love me back... And he tries his best to make me smile and laugh which is cute =)
It's so cute that I've found myself falling for him >___<

But he's the only person I talk to at work,he's the only one who seems to bother with me...

You know I feel so very very lonely inside... So lonely I just feel like crying everyday of my life.. But what use will that do?? I'm so lost since all this has happened to me in a year... How did I lose myself?How did I let myself go and fall in such a mess so deep I can't dig myself out.. It hurts, hurts so so much... I just want HIM!! Him being my soulmate,my husband whoever he is to come and save me... Help me find a way out of this mess I've let myself into,to help me find myself again... To love me and cherish me... To never let me fall and to always be there and care for me... I want to find him so badly.. I want him so much... I want him to hold me so badly,to comfort me.. To never let me go..

I really want to get married,but it seems that is only a dream.. One dream that will never happen for me cause I'm not meant to be happy..

Anyways lemme show you Azam hahaha...

left to right Manju,Me and Azam

Aaaahhh... Owh,I forgot to mention I got my nose pierced beginning of the year xD
It looks so buff on me!! hahahaha LEMME SHOOOOOOOOOOOOW!! ^_^

Though you can't see much here but yeah hahaha its so nice...

Anyways I'm gonna get going now.. I got things to do ^_^

You're Guardian Angel

When I see your smile

Tears run down my face
I can't replace
And now that I'm strong
I have figured out
How this world turns cold
and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find
deep inside me
I can be the one

I will never let you fall [let you fall]
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all [through it all]
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Its okay, its okay, its okay

Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall [let you fall]
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all [through it all]
Even if savin you sends me to heaven

Cause you're me, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cause I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

[to fade]

So tired!! X_X

Oh maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!

I'm so tired,and I only went back to work yesterday!! [26th Dec 09] Shows how tiring that crappy job is,I'm still sick too!! I haven't recovered 100% yet..

Iunno man yesterday night I had the weirdiest dream ever..I was dreaming about my manager,the guy one!! WTH?!?!?! He's not even that good looking hahaha aiyo!!

I wanna sleep more but I got go work this afternoon.. Not really looking forward to that,coming back late X_X

I enjoyed work yesterday morning cause I was working beside Fendie hahahaha aiyo,hes cute what can I say??I love how when he smiles his eyes turn into lines like Tae Yangs xD

AH Tae Yang,my husband for life LOL!! xD
"Where U At TAE?!" =P

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Aint he just gorgeous?!?!And look he's giving me pink roses hahahahahaha...

My desire of becoming a model still flows through my veins...I still want it so badly..Well just want a taste..I know its hard work but it looks so much fun!!This is how I live everyday,I make sure I look good cause everyday is a fashion show even when I'm at work =P so I gotta look good xD

OK I'm gonna go,eat my breakfast then get ready for today!!Round 2!! X_X

Not really looking forward to work T_T BUT PAY DAY IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER!!
My Tae Yang hoodie will be in my hands on the 29th ^__^ So cannot wait hoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)

Love you Tae Tae [/mwah] =^_^= V
(and of course Adam hahaha,can never forget him..He's my second husband LOL!!)

Rawr HOT stuff =)

so long I haven't written in here lol..

not much has been happening here anyways,just working and working and more working =(

i'm sick again! no change there lol,i'm always sick.. my appendix wound is bruising like mad,really hurts... all cause of work,i'm very clumsy I keep banging it on things..

mhm i have been writing move since my break up with Azly... i miss Azly so much,wish we were still together.. oh well what to do...

i don't know what else to say, so I'll just leave you with a poem =)

15/10/09

Don't turn away my love,

let us not pretend,

let's remove our masks & start this journey again.

The spaces between your fingers

should be filled with mine.

All me to be myself around you,

pull away the covers that seperate me from you.

Let me show you all the beauty this world has to offer.

Look into my eyes my love,

tell me what you see.

Burning craze to show you what's under my skin.

This is not a lie my love,

Believe & trust in me,

then we will surely rise through this world together..

yes yes,this is for Azly... everything i write is for him.. everything i do is for him.. i miss him so much it's killing me slowly... i need serious mental help =(

Dance Inside

You don't have to move,

you don't have to speak lips for biting.

You're staring me down,

a glance makes me weak eyes for striking

Now I'm twisting up when I'm twisted with you

brush so lightly

and time trickles down,

and I'm breathing for two squeeze so tightly.

I'll be fine, you'll be fine.

this moment seems so long

Don't waste now, precious time

we'll dance inside the song

[Chorus]

What makes the one to shake you down?

Each touch belongs to each new sound

Say now you want to shake me too

Move down to me, slip into you

She sinks in my mind as she sheds through her skin

touch sight tastes like fire

hands do now what eyes no longer defend

hands to fuel desire

I'll be fine, you'll be fine

this moment seems so long

Don't waste now, precious time

we'll dance inside the song

[Chorus]

Ooo, ah [x8]

And I'll be fine, you'll be fine

Is this fine? I'm not fine

Give me pieces, give me things to stay awake (stay awake)

[Chorus x2]

Move down to me, slip into you

The First Date

I had my first date yesterday Wednesday 13th May 2009 with the guy I told you about in previous blog..

It was amazing..

He took my breath away..

I was smiling the whole day,I haven't smiled like that in so long!!

He was 30 minutes late for meeting,but that was cause of the stupid doctor over there..He had to get a MC before meeting me cause he took one day off work for me..Anyways,I waited at Kajang ktm cause that was our meeting place..Waiting there anixious while msging him until he came I got so nervous I started sweating and shaking LOL!He msged asking what I was wearing and I told him,white and cream with blue jeans..He then told me what he was wearing red and black jeans..I got even more nervous!!Then like 5 minutes after that there he was right infront of me...wow...so hot!!

A cute guy,same height as me with such an adorable smile...My heart melted...and I was still shakin damnit!!He noticed me shaking hahaha,made fun of me hehehe..Then we went to KL Sentral..While waiting for the train to KL Sentral,we were talking and he said he loves me..I went so red hahaha,I was gob smacked I couldn't speak...He also said he's my taeyang hahaha how cute is that?..Then the train came and we boarded..On the train we spoke samore,then he held my hand..aiyo,my poor heart felt like it was gonna burst out of my chest..Anyways we went KL Sentral,I put money in the bank then we went Mid Valley..hehe..

When we were waiting for the train to Mid he hugged me!!OMGOSH I was so stunned I just held him so tight..I didn't wanna let go but the train came..stupid train hahaha...

We got to Mid and we went to eat at KFC,haha he made me laugh while he was eating,cause he ate more than me and then he was like he cant move hahahaha...But he had to move cause I needed the bog..He took me to the bog then we spoke about what to do next..We agreed on a movie =)

so we went to check out the movie list and times..All I saw up there was horror movies,I was thinking to myself haha no way are you getting me in one of those...I HATE horror movies!..He got me into see Friday 13th hohoho...I actually picked it,so smart of me!!..Well I think it was better than the movie he wanted to see..."coming soon" aiyo...

Anyways we went to watch the freakin' movie,I spend most of my time in my tudung and in his shirt hahahaha...It was so shit scary!! T___T mama...But HEY I love the movie for one reason...While watching the movie he kissed me!!..He told me when we had parted that,that was his first kiss..I felt like crying,I was so touched to be his first..

After the scary movie,we went for a drink,and spoke a little,then we went Jusco cause I needed to get some stuff for home,and he wanted to get me mozzie lotion...so sweet of him,but I paid for it haha I feel bad when someone gets me things..Once done there it was time for us to part..The heart breaking moment..But he didn't leave me,he took me back to Kajang..First time anyone has taken me all the way home =)

I was late home huhuhu but thank God no one shouted at me!!Before we parted he shook my hand haha so I pulled him in and hugged him so tight..and then he kissed me on my lips then I went...I kept looking back cause I didn't wanna leave him,but I had too...

We msged each other non-stop after we left each other..Then the night came,and it was bedtime..I fell asleep for about 10 minutes but then I woke up feeling so sad,missing him so much that I cried..I msged him though he said before he was going to sleep cause he has to work the next day...I was surprised to get a reply from him..We felt the same..Missing each other so much...

I so cannot wait for our next date,I can't wait to be in his embrace once again...I felt so safe and warm in his arms...

hehe here's a pic of us in the cinema...

He makes my heart melt and makes me smile so so much!I love him so much!!I don't want him to ever leave me!...

I actually think he is the one...my soulmate...Cause we feel everything together,and we have so much in common...aiyo I'm in love...Deep love...

You make me glow..

Aiyo!!

I'm in love with such a cute boy..I havent felt like this in 2 years!!..All these feelings I had with my ex are all coming back to me but for this boy...I thought these feelings I'd only have for my ex and only him but boy was I wrong...This guy makes me glow so much..I feel so different,like I'm changing for the better...And its all cause of him!

Let me tell you how it happened uh?..

It was a normal night,I was just on myspace haha getting annoyed at some prat trying to get me to show him inappropriate pics..Then this random guy adds me to his list..I take a look at his profile before accepting him..I was so stunned he had the same taste in music as me so I was like why not!!So I accepted and started talking to him...He was so nice and sweet to me..We got talking and he added me on YM..Were we got talking even more..Then we started sending each other music and I just fell in love..Iunno what happened...This rush came..

He introduced me to some nice music haha even BIG BANG!!I'm OBSESSED with them ATM cause of him!!Aiyo..Thats another story...ANYWAYS..We speak to each other every day..We msg non-stop...I love this rush feeling...I feel like maybe he could be the one..Thats how serious I am...AIYO!!SOMEONE SAVE ME!!

BUT what makes it even more better is he feels the exact same way...This feeling we both feel,that we cannot explain...Its like we need to see each other even if its just for a minute..A minute would be better than not seeing at all...

"you got me slowly dying"

He has the most ADORABLE cheeks ever,I just wanna pinch them hahaha...sigh...

OK...NOW ON TO... "B to the I to the G BANG BANG!!"

hahahaha where to staaaaaaaaaaaaart?!?!Gosh...5 cute guys who can sing,rap and DANCE!!Gosh what more do you need?!!

BIG BANG consists of from left to right: Seungri AKA Victory, Daesung AKA D-Lite, Taeyang AKA SoL,G-Dragon AKA GD and T.O.P AKA Tempo

Hahaha cute uh?Damn,I'm addicted to the song "Baby baby" from there mini Japanese album "With U"..I love the MV for "With U"...Haha..My fave Korean song by them is Sunset Glow
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OK haha I think I should stop though I can go on and on...hahahaha!!B.I.G.B.A.N.G FTW!!